First assignment failure.

Writers are often eccentric and a little crazy – which is why I’m convinced I am a writer.  So why is it so hard to write anything?  I have an extension for my first assignment and my NaNoWriMo count hasn’t reached 700 words.

It’s hard to explain how I am feeling.  I miss my mum but I really want to move on.  It’s not that I want to forget her; I just want to erase the last 10 years.  My favourite photo of her was her 50th birthday party and she has a big smile on her face.  That is how I want to remember her.

The thing with bereavement is that it’s hard to think of anything else.  With each stage, there is a new obstacle.  My current one being unable to write about anything except funerals and misery.  I’m even doing it without realising it.

I am told that this is normal even if it is frustrating.  So I am allowing myself those little wobbles and using the moments of clarity to write.  Sometimes I only manage five minutes, today I have managed 30 minutes and it feels great.

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7 thoughts on “First assignment failure.

  1. Your mums passing is still very recent ~ i’m still missing pap and went to visit him last week just because I miss him. Writing about your loss might be quite theraputic for you even if you don’t publish it xxxx

  2. I miss my Mum and Dad every day. It is not so bad as it used to be, albeit as they passed over to the other side a very long time ago.
    As I awake from slumber, they are looking down on me with the look that will forever be with me.
    They are pictured in a frame that Anita had professionally made, and is placed on the wall opposite the bed.
    They will always be there for me in time of solace and need, and even for someone like me of mature age who can vividly remember the many happy times.

  3. All I can say is write what is in your heart. If it’s funerals and misery then so be it. If you write what you feel it often ends up a very well written piece and at the very least it is therapeutic and can help you express yourself and help heal. x

  4. I don’t believe in failure, Mel. I believe in learning curves. Play on words I know but delivering your first assignment late isn’t a catastrophe, it’s not a cat anything. It’s just late and you’ve had permission to produce it late. So hey …
    As many have already commented, writing is very therapeutic. It is a blessing. It is the friend who will be there for you at any time of day, who will listen to every word you whisper with your pen, to every poignant moment you want to share, to every teardrop you want to leave. Relish in it Mel.
    You are a writer.
    Mel, I lost my mother about two years ago. When she was ill and taken to hospital, I was too ill to visit her. When she died in hospital, I was still to ill to go. And when she was buried I was still to ill to be there. But I said my goodbye to her from where I was and with paper and pen I brought my guilty soul to peace.
    It is your turn to feel the calm and love.

  5. I don’t know how you’ve coped… I dread the day I loose my Mum. Writing and NaNoWriMo at the same time is a foolish thing – I’m also doing it!
    In the words of Jessie J’s new song: It’s OK not to be OK. Don’t try and be happy. Write about it, poem it, and cry until you’re completely cried out and exhausted.

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