When I started blogging, I never intended to write about my life. Minty Learns started as a diary about my journey through the Open University, as suggested during the Creative Writing modules.
What I didn’t realise at the time was that I was already on a slippery slope into darkness. The strange thing about depression is that you don’t know when it started. For over a decade I have been fighting it, and I finally feel that I understand it.
Depression doesn’t have a cause. There is no single event that makes you depressed. I don’t have answers. What I did find is a lot of help but I had to ask for it and accept it. Admitting to yourself you are ill and not lazy, grumpy, (insert appropriate criticism here) is the most important thing. Then get yourself to your GP.
This is exactly what I did. In January I was convinced that there was something seriously wrong with me. I was afraid that the doctor would send me away or take my children. I was scared my husband would give up on me. I couldn’t study anymore because nothing made sense. I forgot important appointments, birthdays and everyday shopping. Money was like a foreign language so I didn’t pay the bills. I was in a constant state of high alert, unable to sleep and trembling inside. Every worry was amplified and I only felt safe at home.
It was a pretty bleak time, and it has taken me six months to face it. With the help of medication for the physical symptoms and counselling and good friends for the psychological symptoms, I feel like I am slowly emerging from the shadows. Someone is coming out of the other end of the long, dark tunnel I am in. She isn’t the same person as before. She is stronger, braver, determined and I like her.
So here I am, reaching out to the people out there who feel alone and hopeless. Take my hand and hold on, because you will get through it. Allow yourself the patience to let it come in its own time, like a butterfly emerging from her chrysalis. Hope is the lifeline that I throw you. Don’t let go, but hang on tight because you are in for a bumpy ride. Don’t give up. If I can do this, so can you.
Here are some links to websites I have found useful: